Y Sunday, June 15, 2008
. Happy LAO PEH day . correct not ?? .
tatz time
mOm tOld me was father`s day . but end up . it
isn`t .
mayb i won`t get the chance to tell both my Pappy & daddy happy father`s day . but still , wish them . as i`
ve said my character is those
paisae tO say out . oh whatever . now even i
dO . i can`t . family member are hating me i guess ...
. AND TO THE
KAYPO, U KNOW WAT IS STAY OUT OF FAMILY MATTERS ??. or MIND YR OWN BUSINESS . i confirm u will read this,
tatz why i will write it here ... whoever u are, i don`t think u MEANT WELL . u trying to LANG GAO
SHIO KA iziit . whatever, in a mature sense . i still wanna THANK you . as i`
ve expected one day my parents might see it .
.
alot of things i appreciate my parents doing for me, in the heart or i typed it out . like my
frenster profile . even though i`
ve changed it
bec ppl are talking
abt it at times . i still keep
wat i`
ve wrote before .
yeap, my parents might be disappointed . true, if i see my daughter writing this
abt me so will i . but BLOG IS A PLACE WHERE I POUR OUT MY FEELINGS
wat right ?? . and
didn`t know some
ppl will be so
kaypo . whatever .. there are rage of anger while typing, but who`s there to see how the person is behind the screen ?? . u
dunnO then keep yr mouth shut . if i can`t even speak out my unhappiness . am i human ?? . i don`t speak out to them .
bec they always
hav the reasons tat i`ll
nev be able to speak . i as a daughter is human, has feelings . i can`t speak out to them . can i
juz speak to the screen & type all my unhappiness ?? .
yeap,
abt the buying
Cig thing is my fault for saying , they don`t encourage me smoke . if i wan buy u spend my
money to not even
affort a
cig,
itz my punishment already to make the
entra effort to but when i`m dead sick ... money sense . i always find family being ridiculous quarreling or having court case over money stuff .
itz a family
wat ?? . and now i as a daughter i`m
oso unhappy abt money sense .
yeap, sometimes i flare over it . but i
nev spoke my words . i really dunno
wat to say , or can i even speak ?? . this few days at home, i really left myself feeling very left out . seeing parents i feel like calling them PAPPY like i use to . but i know calling i might get a cold shoulder . i`m always wrong in my parents eye . walking pass my mom, see her eyes . i know .. even when i`m sick i don`t feel tat sick . i feel even more for my emotions . yea,
ppl will say if i say i cry over it . talk over it,
ppl think
itz small thing . am thinking too much . but know how it feels ?? .
ITZ MY PARENTS . sometimes it feels like enemy the way they look at me ..
itz MY PARENTS . my PARENTS !! . my parents often say they`re disappointed in me . but can i even say i am disappointed in them ?? . my pap always learn to understand me when i speak . but when the look is there and
wif my character . i don`t even dare to speak .
wat am i saying ?? . i don`t even know
wat i wanna say ?? . or CAN I SAY ?? .
bec everything i say will be wrong am i ?? . i
hav tearing . yea, seems like nothing . stupid to tear over such things
ppl might say .
TATZ WHY I NEV SAY !!!! . but the feeling is different . when i was a little girl, i always wonder why i tear whenever something happens in my family . i thought was nothing, when i grow up & go though lots of stuff . then i know deep inside the reason why these tears appear even
itz such things .
. i always says " my mom
own self bring up my bro & i
hors !! . worst is, my bro is not a obedient boy when he was young !! "
" my Pappy last time give us make until like hell he
nev leave
hors !! , until we accept him . he treat us like his own . and i`m his princess
hors !! ( as said in my
frenster, he`s my king ) .
" my daddy very strict, and say how he use to punish us when we were young,
tatz why we still
hav up bringing " i feel so ?? .
. i always counted myself lucky to
hav 2 DAD . both very good to me . but when i grow, i feel everybody`s hating me .
. i remember last time when things happen when they think i`m at fault, they
hav dinner & dinning room was
juz outside my room . they were happily having dinner outside . and i remember i teared inside feeling like an outsider . and i realise my brother will LAUGH EVEN louder .
mayb to make me . i know it
willl happen again . but when i grow, i can choose to escape not staying at home . like mom called today when i was working " girl are u coming home for dinner ?? . " i wanted to say yes . i was freaking hungry in shop . i tend shop alone . no food . no money to buy food . but i know, i will be
juz looking at my food feeling
awkward then back to my room . so i thought and
nev agreed . took advance $10 and went out to eat instead .. it seems like nothing but how u feel when a family eating together, the feeling is everyone hating u ..
. i always wished tat our family can be like others . girls go out
wif mom to shop . or even
zoe has her father bringing her out to shop & her father buys her stuff . ever since this monthly money start ,
itz like a full stop to MOTHER`S LOVE . i don`t wanna say much . end up me being wrong again . shall keep things to myself and i won`t blog
abt family stuff anymore
bec got family breaker inside . if u meant well hoping my parents read it will understand me more ?? . so sorry U`RE SO WRONG .
itz juz making things worst . i
juz wan a simple space to voice out my
feeling why
muz u destroy it ?? . i can`t voice out to parents ,
frenz ?? . here
cann`t . i keep to myself okay
kaypo .
. if he were here, he`ll be standing here next to me to hug me when i cry .... who will i turn to ?? .
. i really wish tat i could tell my pap happy father`s day . telling him he`s really great . he plays a part as a father & as a
fren to me . but i think he hates me now . .
YYY
. It seems like juz yesterday when i still hav u in my arms . If only i can be in control of time ...
3:47 AM
